***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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