I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize