new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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