he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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