my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize