My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize