My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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