i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
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I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
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Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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