Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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