It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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