Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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