I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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