How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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