they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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