The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
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I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
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And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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