Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
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Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
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Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
soo... how was my night?
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