Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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