i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
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i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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