Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
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Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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