May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
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I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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