I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize