9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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