worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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