First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
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Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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