she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
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shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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