You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
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I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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