Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize