meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
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if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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