Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize