thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize