There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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