she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize