your parents love me but you hate me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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