Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
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If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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