Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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