and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize