to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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