I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
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When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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