i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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