I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize