I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize