if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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