i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize