...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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