just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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