8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize