Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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