those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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