I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
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lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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