she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize